i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
