I want to make a zoo with you.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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