Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
