Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
