At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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