I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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