I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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