so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
