I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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