God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
