How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
