She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
