He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
