I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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