Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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