I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just googled if crying burns calories
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
