my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
