Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
