**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
