I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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