you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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