what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
