My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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