you guys were way drunker than both of me
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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