If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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