Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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