I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
