I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
