my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
