Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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