Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
