it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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