this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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