I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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