she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
