im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
