did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
