He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
