You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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