do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
