I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
