You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
