He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
