Me too!
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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