I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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