Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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