i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
