Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
