My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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