Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
No subtext here. People are naked.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
