I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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