Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
