Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
pray to the hookup gods
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
