youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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