I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
