Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
